Yes, I Did Have Fun At My Wedding

I have to say that not only did I have a lot of fun at my own wedding but that it was the most fun I’d ever had at a wedding. Shawn also feels the same way. Here’s why I think we had such a good time…

The Guests: While I do wish that a few more of my friends could have been there, I don’t feel like we missed inviting anyone or that we invited anyone we shouldn’t have. Most importantly though I got to spent a good chunk of time with friends/younger family members and have fun with them, as did Shawn.

The Atmosphere: It was relaxed but not casual and personally I really liked that. Our candle-heavy décor and the venue itself also helped to create an almost nightclub-like atmosphere that naturally lended itself to plenty of dancing and drinking.

The Alcohol: Open bars are great; open bars that offer a wide range of alcohol are even better and that’s what I liked about ours, the variety it offered. We also only ran out of one thing, dark rum so that was good too.

The Music: For me this was the biggie because I love music, I love to dance and sadly, most of the wedding’s I’ve been to have bad music and no one dancing. This was not the case at mine, largely in part because the DJ stuck to the playlist that Shawn and I had carefully created. He mixed everything together in a way that kept the momentum going and also threw in his own well-timed selections. The end results was that a lot of people were dancing

Most of these are topics that I’ve already mentioned in my “how to have a fun wedding” mini-guide (I still need to write one up about alcohol and I promise to do that before this project is wrapped up). While these are all areas that you’re going to consider as part of your wedding planning, I do think that if you come at them from the perspective of having a great time, you’ll end up with more fun results that you and your guests will enjoy.

And yes, I think a good chunk of my guests did have a good time. Many people said they had a lot of fun and I have no doubt that those two dozen or so people who spent lots of time on the dance floor had a great time.

The only complaints I heard was that the music was too loud near the end and that some of the faster songs weren’t to everyone’s taste. But I expected that and I much rather caterer to the people who were out there dancing and having fun (including Shawn and myself) than those who’d just sit around regardless of the music situation.

Also, not everyone was a fan of our beer choice but I’ll discuss that in a future entry because that was certainly a learning point.

My next entry though will be focused on what you the bride can do to have a good time because the truth is, you can have best guests/alcohol/atmosphere/music in the world and still have a crappy time at your wedding if you don’t relax and stop worrying. I know letting go of control is hard but trust me, it can be done and on your actual wedding day, it’s for the best.

RSVPs and Us

One of the biggest sources of stress for any bride are the RSVPs. I know it seems like such a simple concept, simply let the bride know whether you can or cannot attend by a certain date using the pre-addressed and stamped card, but the bridal boards are filled with stories about people who just don’t get this.

Thankfully, I wasn’t one of those brides. Our RSVP date was Friday, July 16. By the start of that week, we’d heard back from almost everyone except for a few of my friends and some family on Shawn’s father’s side.

Shawn, being the impatient boy that he is, didn’t want to give people until the actual deadline to get back to us so I found myself emailing or Facebooking my friends prior to July 16, asking them what’s up.

I suspected that I hadn’t heard back from some of them because they knew they couldn’t make it and were maybe embarrassed to tell me. I don’t know if I was right about the embarrassed part but I was right about the them-not-coming-part.

I also heard back from one friend who said she was pretty sure she could make it but wouldn’t know until a few days before the wedding because of her work. I told her I would love it if she could come but then proceeded on the assumption that she wasn’t coming (the venue told us it would be easier to add people in them take them out). Turns out my assumption was right as she didn’t end up coming.

All of Shawn’s slow-to-respond family did attend. I’m not sure what was up with them not getting back to us sooner, after Shawn confirmed their attendance over the phone they did send in the RSVP cards so it’s not like they lost those.

One family did have a very good reason for the delay though; they had just had a new baby and were taking her to her first wedding on July 17. They were only going to come to our wedding if all went well there and thankfully it did.

Overall, I think Shawn was more stressed about the RSVPs than I was, probably because I’d spend time on the bridal boards and realized that compared to some, we were in good shape.

Many people do cut it close with sending in the cards so don’t be surprised if you’re two weeks out from your RSVP date and are still missing lots of cards. Only start making “contact” plans when you hit that one week mark and even then you may want to wait until the actual date has passed before you start getting in touch with people.

Getting the thing actually in the mail seems to be a real challenge for some so make it easier for people by giving them an opportunity to give you their RSVP cards in person. Have a family gathering or a party with friends coming up? Remind people that they can give you their cards then. Or tell co-workers that they can just drop the cards of on your desk.

Another trick is to give people the option of Facebooking or emailing you their respond though if you go this route, still include RSVP cards in your invites. This will make the old people happy and to be honest, I think it’s easier to organize physical cards than emails and Facebook messages.

Quick Wedding Update

So we’re less than three weeks until the wedding day and things are getting pretty busy even though all the big stuff is booked (I have no idea how those couples of Wedding S.O.S. pull it off; even if they do have three wishes).

I’m hoping to get some time on Saturday to write up a few entries, including one on how our final meeting with the Berkeley went (it’s tonight).

We got a lot done over the weekend but despite that fact, I actually was a bit frustrated with the whole wedding process. Our RSVP deadline was Friday and with that came news that some of my friends who I was really hoping would be there won’t be. They all have valid reasons for not being able to make it but still…

On Monday though I was able to talk to one friend and found out that she actually might be able to make, it just depends on work (she lives down in the States) so that’s good.

And in other good news, it looks like I’ll be able to get the flower that I really wanted. When I first met with our florist, Jenn from FlowerGirls, I told her the one flower I liked was Picasso lilies. She then broke it to me that those flowers are fairly pricey so I dropped the idea.

But yesterday I got an email from her, telling me that she’s come across some of these flowers at the same price that I was quoted for orchids so now we’re going to go with some of those instead.
Orchids are quite nice but I just love the look of these lilies and they fit with our colours perfectly.

Organizing Your RSVPs

So I am still alive; just busy with work and wedding stuff and other random events like concerts. Also, to add to the fun, I was without a home computer for almost three nights because we were having some window repair work done and this meant that everything near on windows, like my computer, had to be unplugged and moved away.

Not having a computer was very annoying, in part because this is the week the RSVPs have been flooding in. Our due date is today and the vast majority are now in. There are a few still outstanding on Shawn’s family side (though we’ve heard they’ll be getting in touch with us) and I’ve had to follow up on a few friends. I must say that Facebook makes following up on late RSVPs so much easier!

All this talk of RSVPs got me thinking that I should share how I’m staying organized. Basically I have two tools.

The first is an Excel spreadsheet. It has the following column headings:

Name – the names of everyone the invite went to

Number – this is the number I put on the back of the RSVP card to help me keep track in case people don’t clearly put their names on the card

Quantity – how many people are in this party; I change this number depending on the RSVP reply

Method – did we mail the invite? Hand deliver it? Did someone else hand deliver it?

Address – this might contain the actual address or just a note telling me that it’s in my address book

Status – things started as “Sent” and then got updated depending on the reply

Food – what meal option was picked

Gift – if they gave a gift, what it is

Because we’re also having a reception out in Alberta, I actually have three tabs in my spreadsheet: Toronto-Only; Alberta-Only; Both; with that tab having a slightly different column set up so that I can track who’s coming to what.

I was going to include another column called “Table Name” and then sort by that however, yesterday I received a spreadsheet from the Berkeley that I’m supposed to use to enter in all my guests by table number (or name in my case) and their meal choices. So instead of entering seating info twice, I’ll just use the Berkeley spreadsheet. I also have a Word doc where I’m sorting out who sits where since it’s easier to do that inside Word than Excel.

My other tool is this little blue file folder. It’s maybe three-by-five inches in size and is split up into a dozen pockets. I’ve labelled those pockets by food selections as well as added in a “No” pocket and “Yes” and “No” pockets for our Alberta reception.

When a RSVP card first comes in, I enter the info into the spreadsheet and then file it away in here. Then, before I send that seating/meal selection spreadsheet over to the Berkeley, I’ll double-check the info on it with the actual RSVP cards. I’m hoping this will result in no one getting the wrong mean!

How To Have A Fun Wedding: The Music

A while ago I started writing a few posts on how to have a fun wedding. I’d like to pick that up with this that is all about the music.

For me, music is one of those things that can make or break a wedding. While I’m pretty open to whatever for the ceremony, the cocktail hour and the dinner, when it’s time to dance, I want to dance but only if the music is right. Otherwise you won't see me out there.

I think a lot of people are the same so in order to get people dancing and having a good time, you have to make sure you have just the right mix.

And that mix starts with either a DJ or an iPod (or iPod-like set-up). Live musicians are wonderful but I do think you should only have them for the ceremony and/or first part of the reception. For the actual dancing portion you need more flexibility and versatility than a live band can give you. Unless the vast majority of your guests are all really into, say jazz, people will get bored listening to the same type of music all night long.

Because of that, you need to offer plenty of variety, especially at the start, so that people get up and move (though do keep in mind that not everyone dances so don't feel bad if some people never make it to the dance floor). Make sure your DJ takes requests and even ask your guests for song ideas in advance (this is especially key if you’re going the iPod route since you’re likely not to have the space and selection that a professional DJ would have).

At least for the first hour or so, include a few songs for the “older” people. This can be anything from classic slow songs (think Nat King Cole) to upbeat Beatles tracks. It’s generally a safe rule to say that as the night progressives, things can get faster and noisier but at the start, do a cater a bit to the older crowd and get them moving.

While it’s true that you need to ultimately trust your DJ to make the right song selections, you know your guests better than s/he does and because of that I strongly encourage you to detail out what kind of stuff should be played, as well as specific must-plays. Ideally at least a few of these must-plays have a strong connection to some of your guests (maybe a song you used to listen to a lot in high school or university) and will get them dancing.

At the same time, this is your wedding and I’m totally support the idea of a “Do Not Play” list. Do let your DJ know of any forbidden songs that you absolutely do not want played. After all, it’s important that you have fun too!

Here's a great blog post former another Toronto blogger that's packed with some great wedding song choices.

5 Common Wedding Controversies

While I’m not a big participant, I do love to reading bridal messages boards. And no matter which board I read, the same stress-inducing topics keep coming up over and over again.

Today I want to highlight the top five controversies that I’ve seen. These are the decisions that brides make that are most likely to get mixed opinions from guests, friends, family members and busy bodies.

So here there are, in no particular order:

1. Having a cash bar
   Let’s be honest, everyone wants an open bar and many etiquette experts out there will tell you that a cash bar is quite rude. But for some couples, an open bar just isn’t in the budget and in that case, I think a cash bar is fine.
   
   That being said, do avoid having your guests pay market price for their booze. See if you can arrange to host a twoonie bar or have an open bar for maybe the first two hours after dinner.
   
   
2. Scheduling your wedding for a holiday/long weekend
   I don’t care how romantic you think it will be, don’t schedule your wedding on Christmas or New Year’s and only do Halloween if you’re going to do in some kind of Halloween style. All other holidays though I think are fair game (well, maybe not Easter for some).
   
   I’m OK with long weekend weddings and actually prefer them if I’m travelling somewhere. However, a lot of people hate long weekend weddings, particularly in the summer. This is one of those decisions where you may find yourself having to decide between what works best for you and what works best for the majority of your guests.
   
   
3. No kids allowed
   You don’t want screaming brats at your big day? I totally support your decision and if your guests can’t leave their spawn alone for a few hours (nursing babies obviously excepted), well, they have bigger issues.
   
   I do though believe that you need to have a consistent policy when it comes to kids. I don’t think the idea of “close family can bring kids but you friend, you can’t” is very fair. Either kids are allowed or they aren’t.
   
   
4. Asking for money on the invite
   No, just no. I don’t care if you plan on using some kind of cutesy poem to get your point across or say “No boxed gifts”, it’s just tacky to mention gifts on the invite.
   
   Instead, put this kind of info on your website or spread it via word of mouth.
   
   
5. Having a B-list
   Personally I have nothing against having a B-list and I totally get why some weddings need to have one. But Shawn finds them very offensive and so we didn’t do one (plus our venue has enough space that this wasn’t really an issue).
   
   Ideally a B-list is a very subtle thing so that people never know that they were a second choice guest however that won’t always be possible. In those situations it’s best to be honest (so no pretending the invite was lost in the mail) and explain that due to space/money/other restrictions, you simply couldn’t invite everyone on the first round.

Missing Addresses

My goal for this week/weekend is get our wedding invites out. So far, I’ve run into two big challenges, the first being missing addresses.

I started my address gathering back at Christmas when I was at my parents’ place. I used my mother’s address book for a bunch of addresses but sadly it was missing quite a few. I should have borrowed my paternal grandmother’s address book when I saw her but I didn’t and now I’m going to have to call her and get her to read off a bunch of missing addresses. So that’s a bit of a pain.

My mom’s side is a bit easier since I’ll be seeing a bunch of them on May 15 and can probably hand deliver quite a few invites. But since I know some people will be missing, I’m going to have my maternal grandma bring her address book so that I can copy out missing addresses into my address book.

A mass email to our friends/cousins who I have email addresses for quickly gathered their addresses. I can’t imagine what a hassle gathering addresses would have been prior to email and Facebook.

Oh wait, yes I can because we don’t have email addresses for most of Shawn’s family and he doesn’t have any close relatives who already have these missing addresses written down. So he’s going to have to call this one aunt who hopefully does have these addresses. I feel those invites might be sitting on my desk for awhile.

I have tried looking some people’s addresses online (Canada411.ca is a good place to look) and haven’t had the best results with that. Also, to do that you need to know someone’s full name and Shawn has some cousins who we don’t know what last name they are using.

So maybe getting all the invites out by Sunday is a bit ambitious, maybe I’ll aim to get 80% out instead.

Blocking Off Hotel Rooms

One of the many wedding-related things we’ve accomplished over the past couples weeks is blocking over a dozen hotel rooms at a Hilton Garden Inn located near the Berkeley.

Blocking off hotels rooms is one of those wedding tasks that many of you may not have to worry about. Obviously, if all of your guests live near by there’s no need to block off rooms. And even if you do have out-of-town guests, you may not want to bother blocking off rooms since Toronto has so many hotels available at a wide range of price points.

We decided to block off a dozen rooms because we will likely have a few out-of-town guests who are not at all familiar with Toronto. That, combined with our wedding date (August 7, a busy time for Toronto hotels, especially reasonably priced ones) and the fact that our venue is located in a bit of a sketchy area, lead us to decide that blocking off rooms made sense for us.

We went with a Hilton Garden Inn because it is the Berkeley’s hotel of choice and they have an arrangement with it to offer blocking off rooms at a reasonable price and on reasonable terms. If you want to block off rooms, start by asking your venue if they have any pre-existing relationships with local hotels.

If not, hit up Expedia and Trip Advisor and create a short list of hotels that are located near your venue that would meet the needs and price-point of your guests. If, like me, you’re going to have a few guests who have never been to Toronto and are a bit uncertain about cites, make sure you’re selecting a hotel that looks “safe” (so secure, underground parking, well-staffed lobby, etc.). Many people prefer chain hotels because they offer that sense of safety as well as a sense of familiarity so that’s something you might want to consider.

Any hotel you pick should have some sort of blocking-off-rooms contract. Of course you should read any contract thoroughly but it’s especially important to do that with this one so that you don’t end up on the hook for hundreds or even thousands of dollars in unused rooms.

Some hotels will charge you the cost of unbooked rooms if you don’t “release” them by a certain date. This is a bad step up. Instead, the rooms should automatically be released by the hotel though it’s still a good idea to call the hotel on the release date and make it clear that yep, the hotel can start offering those rooms again.

The contract should also specify the price of the room and the type of room that’s being offered to your guest. This can help avoid disappointments and other negative feelings that might pop up when Aunt Betty realizes she’s paying the same price for her twin-bed that cousin Flora’s paying for her Jacuzzi sweet.

Have A Fun Wedding: The Guests

Part two in an on-going series about making your wedding fun.

This is an easy concept: To have a fun wedding, you need fun guests.

Now, that’s not to say that every guest needs to like a character out of Party Monster. You’re talking about your wedding after all and so you’re likely inviting more than a few people who you wouldn’t be inviting out on a Saturday night to the club.

But, unless you’re having a super-small wedding or your parents have hijacked the guest list, you should have space to invite at least of few life-of-the-party type people.

These are the individuals who will get people talking, laughing and dancing and they’ll help to make your wedding a memorable, enjoyable event. I know that putting together a guest list can be one of the hardest parts of wedding planning but if you’re short on space and/or money and you have to choose between that high school friend who you haven’t seen in years and a newer but really fun friend, go with the fun friend.

Then have your fun friends “work” for you by strategically placing them at tables where they can get spread their fun-loving nature. If all your fun friends are friends, do split them up but put their tables beside each other so that they can still socialize with each other as well as with your other guests.

If you have any fun friends who are big into dancing, chat with them in advance and let them know that you’re counting on them to get the dance party underway (no pressure!).

Your guests are a tremendously important part of your wedding and who you invite can really impact the atmosphere so if you want a fun wedding, make sure you’ve got at least a few guests who you can count on to bring the party.

Picking Guests

Are budget or space considerations causing you to have to slash your guest list? Then use the following five questions to help you decide who to invite and who to uh, put on the B-list.

1. Is this person a blood relative?

2. Is this person a friend who I am close to and see (or would like to see) on a regular basis?

3. Will not including this person result in drama? (Or vice versa.)

4. Will including this person add to the wedding? (Is this person fun/will dance/etc.)

5. Would this person invite me to his/her similarly sized wedding?

Have A Fun Wedding: The Atmosphere

Want to have a fun wedding? Then make sure your guests have fun. The first in a multi-part series...

* Creating a Fun Atmosphere *

Creating that perfect atmosphere is probably the hardest thing to do at a wedding. No amount of money can guarantee it (in fact, too much money can actually prevent a fun atmosphere) nor any person or service. A fun atmosphere requires that perfect mix of elements, timing and just plain good luck.

So while I can’t offer any promises on how to guarantee a good

time for all, I do have some ideas...

1. Take Your Guests' Point Of View: Think of the words you’re using to describe your wedding: romantic, elegant, gorgeous. None of these words are synonyms for fun and for a lot of people they mean boring. Now, this doesn’t mean you have to trade fantasy for frat. But do understand that you are going to have to do a bit of work to make your wedding fun.

Take stock of who you’re inviting ask yourself what they would find fun. Live entertainment? Tons of food? Bass-heavy music? Then work these “fun” elements in at natural points. For example, bring the live performers out during dinner. Or, after 10 pm, turn the music over to your favourite DJ from Wrongbar.

Also, be aware that many people aren’t comfortable with “fanciness”, even if fanciness just means wearing a suit. Again, this doesn’t mean you have to ditch your dreams of a black tie wedding. Just be aware of how your guests might feel and then try to work in some kind of counterbalance.

2. Hire The Right Vendors: Of course you want vendors who are pros and professional but make sure those who will be dealing with your guests are also friendly, relaxed and understand that doing their job shouldn’t take away from the guests’ experience. For example, make sure your photographer won’t be barking orders at family or jumping in front of grandma’s camera. And check to see that you bar staff knows how to make your guests favourite drinks.

3. Think Of The Small Details: Can’t afford the Beatles impersonators and that sushi bar you know your friends would all love? That’s fine; just "fun" things up using small details: Have your place settings include a colour coordinated shot, where a brightly coloured crinoline under your desk and have the pianist/string quartet/whoever play your favourite songs while everyone waits for the ceremony to bring. Stuff like this relaxes people and a relaxed crowd leads to a fun time.

4. Set A Good Example: Most importantly, make sure you, your other half and everyone in your bridal party show that you’re all having a great time. Smile, giggle, laugh and make sure to stop and talk to your guests. Ideally your “funness” is contagious and will spread amongst your guests.

B-Lists

So are you having an invite b-list?

I first heard of this concept a couple years ago, when an acquaintance freely declared that since person X was unable to make it to her wedding, she could now invite his b-list replacement, person Y. At the time, I was shocked by this idea. It just seemed so rude.

But now that I’m planning my own wedding, having a b-list just seems practical. The truth is, guests are a major cost of your wedding. If you’re going to have a common sense wedding, you’re going to have a reasonable guest number that you stick to. But while this number might make your budget happy, it might make you a bit sad because you don’t have space to invite certain people.

Odds are though that not everyone you initially invite can make it. So now what do you do: Leave those spots empty or fill them up with guests who you wanted to invite but just couldn’t squeeze in? If you go with the second option, you’ve got yourself a b-list and in my opinion, that’s nothing to be ashamed of.

In some situations, not having a b-list means wasted money. My venue, the Berkeley Church, has a 100-person minimum. This means that will be charged for at least 100 guests, even if only 90 show. Currently, my guest list is just over 100. While I like to think that most of my RSVPs will be set back with a “yes”, I do have a small b-list just in case I find myself with fewer than 100 RSVPs.

I do think that when it comes to your b-list, you need to be discreet. No one wants to know that they were the second pick, even if your venue does only hold 50 people.

If anyone asks about the “guest status” of a b-lister, dance around the topic. If the invites haven’t gone out yet, say that you’re still finalizing the list. If they have, say something about how you’re trying to find a spot for the person in question.

And what b-listers themselves? Well, ideally they’ll have good manners and not ask if they are invited or not. But if a b-lister does ask about whether or not s/he’s invited, be honest and hopefully. Something like, “Well, I would love to have you there but we have a really strict guest number. If though someone can’t make it, I will certainly send an invite to you.” Don’t lie about the invite being lost in the mail or something like that, it’ll only backfire and cause you stress that you don’t need.

Double-Sided Tape Is Not A Miracle Product

This post is more about being a wedding guest than a bride though I guess the key bit of advice – fully try on your outfit before the big day – also applies to girls in big, white dresses.

Yesterday I attended S’s wedding. It was a lot of fun except for one thing: my misbehaving dress.

This was a new dress that I picked up at the Clothing Show from Champagne and Cupcakes, a great dress shop located on Queen West. I did try it on at the Clothing Show and I did notice that it was rather low cut. But the rest of it looked so great on me that I figured I could do something about the front. I got the dress, put it in a draw when I got home and forgot about until a couple of weeks ago.

Now, I did try it on in advance of the actual wedding day and I did come up with a plan – using double-sided fabric tape to stick the dress to my bra but I didn’t actually try this plan out. Mistake #1.

Mistake #2 was not pulling out the double-sided tape until about 15 minutes before we had to go. I tried my best to make it work but the tape just couldn’t do the job of keeping the dress in place. Oh sure, it stuck the dress to the bra but then almost every time I moved it became unstuck. I tried to then sew the dress in place and while that helped a bit, it didn’t provide the solution I was looking for. I did briefly consider switching dresses but I’d already done my make-up to match this misbehaving dress and I didn’t have time to redo it.

So off we went to this wedding, with me having to touch my chest every five minutes to restick the dress to the right spot. At the wedding a friend tried to fix the problem with a small safety pin but even that didn’t fix it completely and you could see the head of the safety pin.

So yeah, I spent last night as a bit of a fashion faux pas, one that easily could have been avoided if I’d just tried out my double-sided tape plan ahead of time.

I will wear the misbehaving dress again but first I plan to do a little sewing job on the front.