B-Lists

So are you having an invite b-list?

I first heard of this concept a couple years ago, when an acquaintance freely declared that since person X was unable to make it to her wedding, she could now invite his b-list replacement, person Y. At the time, I was shocked by this idea. It just seemed so rude.

But now that I’m planning my own wedding, having a b-list just seems practical. The truth is, guests are a major cost of your wedding. If you’re going to have a common sense wedding, you’re going to have a reasonable guest number that you stick to. But while this number might make your budget happy, it might make you a bit sad because you don’t have space to invite certain people.

Odds are though that not everyone you initially invite can make it. So now what do you do: Leave those spots empty or fill them up with guests who you wanted to invite but just couldn’t squeeze in? If you go with the second option, you’ve got yourself a b-list and in my opinion, that’s nothing to be ashamed of.

In some situations, not having a b-list means wasted money. My venue, the Berkeley Church, has a 100-person minimum. This means that will be charged for at least 100 guests, even if only 90 show. Currently, my guest list is just over 100. While I like to think that most of my RSVPs will be set back with a “yes”, I do have a small b-list just in case I find myself with fewer than 100 RSVPs.

I do think that when it comes to your b-list, you need to be discreet. No one wants to know that they were the second pick, even if your venue does only hold 50 people.

If anyone asks about the “guest status” of a b-lister, dance around the topic. If the invites haven’t gone out yet, say that you’re still finalizing the list. If they have, say something about how you’re trying to find a spot for the person in question.

And what b-listers themselves? Well, ideally they’ll have good manners and not ask if they are invited or not. But if a b-lister does ask about whether or not s/he’s invited, be honest and hopefully. Something like, “Well, I would love to have you there but we have a really strict guest number. If though someone can’t make it, I will certainly send an invite to you.” Don’t lie about the invite being lost in the mail or something like that, it’ll only backfire and cause you stress that you don’t need.