My Trip To Kleinfeld Bridal

*Ah! I just realized that I didn't post about my recent trip to Kleinfeld on this blog. But I did post about it earlier on my other blog, StuffLindsayBought.blogspot.com*

Recently, I went to New York City and the whole reason why I recently went was to help my sister, who lives there, with her wedding dress fitting.

Last August, she ordered a dress from Kleinfeld (yes, the shop from that TLC show) and was told that it would be in by mid-April. So we figured that me taking a mid-May trip made sense. You know where this going right?

I arrived in NYC on Thursday, May 12, and at that time, there was no dress. My sister made one last desperate call to Kleinfeld the following Friday morning and oh yes, they were just going to call her because the dress was there. But the earliest they could get her in for a fitting was mid-June (which was bumped to early June when my sister explained she was leaving the country for her wedding in mid-July).

So for a while there it looked like I wasn’t going to see the dress. But Saturday morning, after being coached by me on what to say to hopefully secure one of Kleinfeld's “emergency” spots (and I know they have these spots because I’ve seen them referred to on the show), my sister called the store again. Unfortunately she just got the answering machine. So things continued to look bleak.

But then my mother called. She’d talked to someone at Kleinfeld and had managed to get us a viewing (though not a fitting) for that afternoon. Yeah!

Yes, the girl on the show was trying
on a "Pnina", similar to this

So off we went to one of the world’s most famous bridal stores and yes, they were filming Say Yes To The Dress when we were there. But no, we’re not on it. The filming was only taking place in the show room and if you don’t have an appointment, the most you can do is poke your head inside that room, which, just like the lobby, is not as classy or as elegant as I had imagined it would be.

But anyone can head down to the basement, where the fitting rooms are, along with a small collection of overpriced shoes and other accessories. This is a pretty small space and again, it’s not as elegant as it could be (Toronto's White was noticeably nicer).

But while Kleinfeld was a bit of a letdown in interior design, it did have amazing service, once we were inside the store.

The woman manning the fitting area desk was very warm and even though we were just doing a viewing, we were assigned a seamstress who explained what alterations needed to be made and helped us pick up a veil.

Even though we were being “squeezed in”, the experience never felt rushed and while we did have to wait a bit to get our room, it was only about a 10-15 minute wait, which considering the store had over a 100 appointments that day, is pretty good.

If I lived in or around NYC, I would check out Kleinfled because it does have the largest selection of dresses in the world. But I would be reluctant to be a Toronto resident and buy a dress from there, given the store’s deadline issues (plus there’s the hassle of getting your dress over the border).

Also, while you don’t have to get your dress alternated there; alterations are a big part of the store’s sell and the way Kleinfled’s does it is that you pay a hefty, flat fee and then get as many alterations as you need. This is great if you live nearby and have a dress that needs lots of changes but obviously isn’t that practical if you live in another country.

As for visiting Kleinfled’s just for the sake of visiting it, I’d say pass. Sure, if you’re in the area I guess it wouldn’t hurt to pop in and check out the few dresses displayed in the lobby but again, unless you have an appointment, you’re not getting into the showroom (and even then, the bulk of the dresses are in the backroom). And while the accessories section did have some pretty items, none of them, least of all te Jimmy Choos, were cheap.

5 Common Wedding Controversies

While I’m not a big participant, I do love to reading bridal messages boards. And no matter which board I read, the same stress-inducing topics keep coming up over and over again.

Today I want to highlight the top five controversies that I’ve seen. These are the decisions that brides make that are most likely to get mixed opinions from guests, friends, family members and busy bodies.

So here there are, in no particular order:

1. Having a cash bar
   Let’s be honest, everyone wants an open bar and many etiquette experts out there will tell you that a cash bar is quite rude. But for some couples, an open bar just isn’t in the budget and in that case, I think a cash bar is fine.
   
   That being said, do avoid having your guests pay market price for their booze. See if you can arrange to host a twoonie bar or have an open bar for maybe the first two hours after dinner.
   
   
2. Scheduling your wedding for a holiday/long weekend
   I don’t care how romantic you think it will be, don’t schedule your wedding on Christmas or New Year’s and only do Halloween if you’re going to do in some kind of Halloween style. All other holidays though I think are fair game (well, maybe not Easter for some).
   
   I’m OK with long weekend weddings and actually prefer them if I’m travelling somewhere. However, a lot of people hate long weekend weddings, particularly in the summer. This is one of those decisions where you may find yourself having to decide between what works best for you and what works best for the majority of your guests.
   
   
3. No kids allowed
   You don’t want screaming brats at your big day? I totally support your decision and if your guests can’t leave their spawn alone for a few hours (nursing babies obviously excepted), well, they have bigger issues.
   
   I do though believe that you need to have a consistent policy when it comes to kids. I don’t think the idea of “close family can bring kids but you friend, you can’t” is very fair. Either kids are allowed or they aren’t.
   
   
4. Asking for money on the invite
   No, just no. I don’t care if you plan on using some kind of cutesy poem to get your point across or say “No boxed gifts”, it’s just tacky to mention gifts on the invite.
   
   Instead, put this kind of info on your website or spread it via word of mouth.
   
   
5. Having a B-list
   Personally I have nothing against having a B-list and I totally get why some weddings need to have one. But Shawn finds them very offensive and so we didn’t do one (plus our venue has enough space that this wasn’t really an issue).
   
   Ideally a B-list is a very subtle thing so that people never know that they were a second choice guest however that won’t always be possible. In those situations it’s best to be honest (so no pretending the invite was lost in the mail) and explain that due to space/money/other restrictions, you simply couldn’t invite everyone on the first round.

Our Menu Consultation

Yesterday we had our menu consultation with the Berkeley and we came out feeling much more confident than when we went in. Let me explain why…

We’ve been having a bit of planner confusion with our venue. Shortly after we signed our contract last spring, we were assigned a planner named Kristin who turned out not to be the best at promptly answering emails.

Earlier this year, we got an email from her saying that we need to pick a date for our menu tasting. I was a bit confused because I thought we had a consultation meeting first but Kristin didn’t mention anything about that so we picked March 30 as our tasting day. Kristin and I then started emailing back and forth, kind of doing the consultation over email. Then she went quiet but since this had happened before, I didn’t think much of it.

A few days later we were invited to this wine-tasting thing at the Berkeley. We went, hoping to meet Kristin, but instead found out that Kristin was no longer with the Berkeley and that we’d be getting a new planner and that yes, we were to have a menu consultation.

I was then put in touch with Julie who was very helpful and told me that our new planner would be Kathy. She also booked a new date for our tasting since our original tasting meeting would need to become our menu consultation.

So you can understand why I walked into our meeting yesterday a bit concerned.

Thankfully Kathy seems to be much more organized and was ready to meet with us even though we were twenty minutes early. In addition to going over the food stuff, she asked how we saw the day unfolding and gave us a quick rundown on how liquor would work since we’re supplying that ourselves (more on that in another post). She was very helpful and had solid answers to all of the questions we had, whether it was about what vegetarian dish would be the best choice to how the uplighting worked.

I think it helped that we also came to the meeting very prepared. Because we thought that we weren’t going to get a menu consultation, Shawn and I had already talked in detail about what sort of food we wanted served and had a list of ideas and questions.

I definitely recommend walking into any menu consultation as prepared as possible. In addition to knowing what you want to eat (and spend), keep in mind your timeline the day. For example, do you really need appetizers? Or, because you’re disappearing for three hours to do photos, do you need a lot of appetizers? An issue for us is our photographer’s time. We only have him for six hours and because of that, we’re doing our first dance and then cutting the cake before we eat.

Also go in knowing roughly what kind of food your guests enjoy/expect; any cultural requests, allergy concerns, etc.

And don’t be afraid to ask lots of questions. Yeah, you might sound a bit annoying, but I find that asking a ton of in-person questions is a lot less annoying than a ton of questions over email.

The G20 & Your Wedding

Have you read this wedding disaster story that appeared in today’s Star? It’s about a couple who can no longer use their chosen church for their June 26 wedding because it happens to be located inside of the G20 summit’s security perimeter.

The article mentions that at least three other weddings have been disrupted by the summit’s security concerns and it sounds like it might impact at least a few more. While the exact coordinates of security perimeter probably won’t be released until two weeks before the summit starts, the tentative area covers from Lake Shore Blvd. W. up to Queen St. and then from Yonge St. to Spadina Ave.

If you’re getting married the weekend of June 26 and your wedding somehow touches on that area (think about where your vendors are located), you should probably start thinking about a “G20 back-up plan” in case that event does somehow impact your day.

That doesn’t mean that things need to be cancelled or dramatically changed, it just means that you should, for example, get in touch with the appropriate vendor and ask if they have any thoughts on or plans for the situation.

Yes, You Will Fight

There’s something that all engaged couples will experience regardless of the size, expense or theme of their wedding: arguing. It’s not a bad or unusual thing and, in most cases, it’s not something that should be overanalysed.

You’re two people, with different tastes, priorities and levels of wedding knowledge, and together you’re planning a party like no party you’ve ever planned before. Of course you’re going to fight, it’s only natural.

On Saturday, Shawn and I got into an argument over invites. It was a classic cliché of a fight that started out with me asking for his opinion on a certain design. His eyes zoomed right past that design and locked in on the price (which was actually quite reasonable) and it was all downhill from there.

It wasn’t a particularly bad fight but it did make me think that when it comes to arguing about wedding stuff, there’s a few important points to keep in mind...

#1. You Likely Know More About Weddings Than He Does: So I’m assuming here that you reader are a bride in a heterosexual relationship. If this is the case, you probably know vastly more about weddings than he does and this knowledge gap can lead to many misunderstandings. Your groom may not be aware of many bits of etiquette or tradition (for example, supplying RSVP cards with stamped envelopes) that you view as common sense or general knowledge. If this is the problem, calmly and patiently explain why certain things are done a certain way.

#2. You Likely Care More About The Wedding Than He Does: Again, I’m assuming you’re a straight bride. This point might sting a little but let’s be honest, who’s doing most of the planning? Who’s thinking of all the little details? Who’s sitting here, reading this blog? Yeah, you. And that’s why you’re fighting about spending extra on chair covers.

#3. He Might Have Some Good Points: To be fair, your other half might actually some good ideas and legit concerns. I mean, can you really afford $20 per person extra for that midnight buffet? Make sure to actually listen to what he’s saying, instead of planning your reply back, and don’t interrupt. It’s hard I know, but this approach can help bring a quick and positive resolution to a fight.

#4. And So Might You: When it’s your turn to make your case, speak clearly, calmly and logically. Don’t just open your mouth and let the words flow. While this might feel good at the time, it usually doesn’t lead to any kind of resolution, at least not one you want. Also, whenever possible, spin your answers so that they address his concerns. This shows that you listen to him and understand his point of view.

#5. Keep Wedding Fights About The Wedding: Finally, don’t use a fight about the guest list to go off and yell at him about how you hate his friends. Fight fairly by staying on topic, not getting personal and not using insults. If you’re finding that your fight is just bringing up more drama, declare an end to it and if necessary, leave the room. This doesn’t mean that you can’t discuss that topic again, it just means that you both need a time out first.

As for mine and Shawn’s fight about invites, well, we didn’t resolve too much though we did figure out that the invites I was looking at are completely within our budget and I think Shawn now has a better understanding of why we have a colour scheme.

Need To Share A Secret?

Sometimes a bride just needs to vent in a way that will lead to no hurt feelings, no regrets, no bad reputations. In other words, she needs to vent anonymously and that’s where Truu Bride Confessions comes into play. Formally known as just TrueBrideConfessions.com, this revamped site lets you vent without fear of repercussions (unless you get really, really detailed).

The site also lets you comment on, share and “me too” other bride’s confessions. The “me too” feature is particularly nice because it lets you know that you’re not the only other person out there who wants to strangle the best man because he’s insisting on a cigar roller.

The site does force you to create an account in order to post but you can basically post anonymously and the sign-in aspect does allow for some fun features like being able to follow your post and see what kind of comments it generates. And while creating an account is a bit of pain, it’s probably worth it if you’re the type of person who knows that she’ll enjoy making multiple confessions to this site.

But even if you’re not one for publicly sharing your secrets, this site is still worth checking out simply for entertainment value. Dozens of posts are made each day, varying from the gossipy (“I was about to ask one of my dearest friends to be my maid of honor, but she erupted: ‘I am so tired of people getting married! everyone's getting married, you are getting married!’ “) to the just plan random (“I do not understand the desire to have your wedding cake look like your wedding dress.”). In other words, it’s a fun way to kill a few dull minutes at the office.

Oh, Wow, Your Dress Is So...

I have a friend who will be a bridesmaid in her best friend’s wedding this summer. She’s thrilled at being part of the wedding but less than thrilled about the bride’s dress. In fact, she thinks it’s ugly.

I haven’t seen the dress but according to my friend, it’s plain to the point of boring and not at all the type of gown you’d want to wear on your wedding day. Fortunately, the dress does flatter the bride-to-be’s body so my friend isn’t completely lying when she says that the bride-to-be looks great in the gown.

I told my friend that she’s doing the right thing by not sharing her true feelings on the dress; that all that matters is that the bride loves the dress and that it does look good on her, even if it’s not particularly memorable. She seems to agree that this is one situation where honesty is not necessarily the best policy.

While I would certainly want my friends to tell me if my wedding dress didn’t fit properly; if it made me look fat or short or deformed; I wouldn’t particularly care to hear their opinions on the overall style of the dress. After all, they aren’t the ones wearing (or paying) for it; I am and because of that all, all that really matters is that I love how it looks on me.

Even though the public (and pricey) nature of a wedding dress might seem to justify sharing one’s opinion on it; only share that opinion if it’s positive. No bride wants to be told that her dress is “boring” or “plain” or, on the other end of the spectrum, “tacky” or “trashy”. So if you ever find yourself in my friend’s position, having to comment on a dress that you’re less than impressed with, just smile sweetly and say, “It does look really great on you.”

You’ll Want to Bookmark This Site

Fiancé Shawn and I are still quite early in our wedding planning so we’ve yet to encounter any real drama. But I’m sure that will change once we start announcing all the key details — the guest list, the location, the date, stuff like that. Then people will start generously “sharing” their opinions with us, on how they think things should be done and what we’re doing wrong.

So I’m happy that I’ve stumbled across the Offbeat Bride’s “Copy’n’paste conflict resolution” emails now, before the unwanted opinions start pouring in. Thanks to these emails, I won’t have to struggle to find a respectful but firm way of saying “thanks for your opinion but we’re not interested. Now leave us alone.”

Here’s a sample email: “"Oh my goodness — it's so flattering that you felt you could come and talk to me about your thoughts on my wedding. I love hearing all the different ideas that we get from friends and family — I think you'll be excited to see what we come up with."

Perfectly polite and perfect at getting across the message that this is our wedding, not yours.

There are also another four variations on this message which could be quite useful if you’re worried about nosey relatives/friends comparing your replies to their suggestions about what you should wear, serve or do at your big day.