Yes, You Will Fight

There’s something that all engaged couples will experience regardless of the size, expense or theme of their wedding: arguing. It’s not a bad or unusual thing and, in most cases, it’s not something that should be overanalysed.

You’re two people, with different tastes, priorities and levels of wedding knowledge, and together you’re planning a party like no party you’ve ever planned before. Of course you’re going to fight, it’s only natural.

On Saturday, Shawn and I got into an argument over invites. It was a classic cliché of a fight that started out with me asking for his opinion on a certain design. His eyes zoomed right past that design and locked in on the price (which was actually quite reasonable) and it was all downhill from there.

It wasn’t a particularly bad fight but it did make me think that when it comes to arguing about wedding stuff, there’s a few important points to keep in mind...

#1. You Likely Know More About Weddings Than He Does: So I’m assuming here that you reader are a bride in a heterosexual relationship. If this is the case, you probably know vastly more about weddings than he does and this knowledge gap can lead to many misunderstandings. Your groom may not be aware of many bits of etiquette or tradition (for example, supplying RSVP cards with stamped envelopes) that you view as common sense or general knowledge. If this is the problem, calmly and patiently explain why certain things are done a certain way.

#2. You Likely Care More About The Wedding Than He Does: Again, I’m assuming you’re a straight bride. This point might sting a little but let’s be honest, who’s doing most of the planning? Who’s thinking of all the little details? Who’s sitting here, reading this blog? Yeah, you. And that’s why you’re fighting about spending extra on chair covers.

#3. He Might Have Some Good Points: To be fair, your other half might actually some good ideas and legit concerns. I mean, can you really afford $20 per person extra for that midnight buffet? Make sure to actually listen to what he’s saying, instead of planning your reply back, and don’t interrupt. It’s hard I know, but this approach can help bring a quick and positive resolution to a fight.

#4. And So Might You: When it’s your turn to make your case, speak clearly, calmly and logically. Don’t just open your mouth and let the words flow. While this might feel good at the time, it usually doesn’t lead to any kind of resolution, at least not one you want. Also, whenever possible, spin your answers so that they address his concerns. This shows that you listen to him and understand his point of view.

#5. Keep Wedding Fights About The Wedding: Finally, don’t use a fight about the guest list to go off and yell at him about how you hate his friends. Fight fairly by staying on topic, not getting personal and not using insults. If you’re finding that your fight is just bringing up more drama, declare an end to it and if necessary, leave the room. This doesn’t mean that you can’t discuss that topic again, it just means that you both need a time out first.

As for mine and Shawn’s fight about invites, well, we didn’t resolve too much though we did figure out that the invites I was looking at are completely within our budget and I think Shawn now has a better understanding of why we have a colour scheme.