5 Common Wedding Controversies

While I’m not a big participant, I do love to reading bridal messages boards. And no matter which board I read, the same stress-inducing topics keep coming up over and over again.

Today I want to highlight the top five controversies that I’ve seen. These are the decisions that brides make that are most likely to get mixed opinions from guests, friends, family members and busy bodies.

So here there are, in no particular order:

1. Having a cash bar
   Let’s be honest, everyone wants an open bar and many etiquette experts out there will tell you that a cash bar is quite rude. But for some couples, an open bar just isn’t in the budget and in that case, I think a cash bar is fine.
   
   That being said, do avoid having your guests pay market price for their booze. See if you can arrange to host a twoonie bar or have an open bar for maybe the first two hours after dinner.
   
   
2. Scheduling your wedding for a holiday/long weekend
   I don’t care how romantic you think it will be, don’t schedule your wedding on Christmas or New Year’s and only do Halloween if you’re going to do in some kind of Halloween style. All other holidays though I think are fair game (well, maybe not Easter for some).
   
   I’m OK with long weekend weddings and actually prefer them if I’m travelling somewhere. However, a lot of people hate long weekend weddings, particularly in the summer. This is one of those decisions where you may find yourself having to decide between what works best for you and what works best for the majority of your guests.
   
   
3. No kids allowed
   You don’t want screaming brats at your big day? I totally support your decision and if your guests can’t leave their spawn alone for a few hours (nursing babies obviously excepted), well, they have bigger issues.
   
   I do though believe that you need to have a consistent policy when it comes to kids. I don’t think the idea of “close family can bring kids but you friend, you can’t” is very fair. Either kids are allowed or they aren’t.
   
   
4. Asking for money on the invite
   No, just no. I don’t care if you plan on using some kind of cutesy poem to get your point across or say “No boxed gifts”, it’s just tacky to mention gifts on the invite.
   
   Instead, put this kind of info on your website or spread it via word of mouth.
   
   
5. Having a B-list
   Personally I have nothing against having a B-list and I totally get why some weddings need to have one. But Shawn finds them very offensive and so we didn’t do one (plus our venue has enough space that this wasn’t really an issue).
   
   Ideally a B-list is a very subtle thing so that people never know that they were a second choice guest however that won’t always be possible. In those situations it’s best to be honest (so no pretending the invite was lost in the mail) and explain that due to space/money/other restrictions, you simply couldn’t invite everyone on the first round.

Holiday Weddings

If you’re planning on how having your wedding on a holiday: New Year’s, Christmas Eve and Day, Valentine’s Day, Thanksgiving, Halloween, any long weekend, be prepared for irritated guests and a higher than usual number of “no” replies.

Let’s start with long weekends because you can make a legitimate case for having a wedding on a long weekend. Let’s say its a wedding with a lot of out-of-town guests. Or maybe it’s a destination wedding where all the guests will be travelling. Either of those types of weddings have good reasons for being held on long weekends: Guests have to take time off regardless to travel so you might as well help them out and reduce the number of days they have to take off from work.

Still, even in those situations you might have some grumbly guests who are annoyed that your wedding will be consuming their long weekend. If you run into this, feel free to politely example your reasoning but don’t worry about trying to bring the grumbly guests over to your side, it’s a pointless battle.

As for weddings on actual holidays, well, unless you’re doing something amazing like a masquerade-theme Halloween wedding, or it’s a super-intimate event, don’t have a holiday wedding. Honestly, even those nearest and dearest to you don’t want to have to re-arrange their holiday traditions to accommodate your big day. Yeah, I know that sounds harsh but it’s important to remember that your wedding is just that, your wedding, and it’s not the center of your friends and family’s worlds.

Weddings that fall on either side of a holiday should also generally be avoided, particularly if you’re using a venue that will be busy with that holiday. For example, be weary about having a New Year’s Day wedding at a venue that’s hosting a New Year’s Eve party because the venue’s staff might not exactly be on its A game.

Of course, if you find yourself with a guest list that’s bigger than you want then a holiday wedding might just be what you need to trim things down to a more manageable size.

We Finally Have a Date

Saturday, August 7, 2010 - that's the day that Shawn and I will get married.

As I mentioned in a previous post, we were considering getting married on a Friday but in the end, we decided that going with the Saturday was the better choice, if if that day does cost a little more.

I know that once the date and venue are picked many couple send out save-the-date cards but honestly, I think those are waste of paper and money. Instead, we'll be using word-of-mouth and the many wonders of the internet (such as this blog) to get the word out about our wedding date. Maybe those aren't the classiest methods but they'll do the job and let us save some cash for our Saturday night wedding. 

A Friday Wedding?

So we’ve picked our venue and we’ve almost picked our date. It’s going to be either Friday, August 6, or Saturday, August 7. Yeah, that’s right, we might have our wedding on a Friday.I know it’s unorthodox but there are some great reasons for getting married on a Friday:

• it’s cheaper (we’ll save $700 at the Berkeley)
• it’s easier to book vendors
• instead of just one day to recover, you get two

But while I’m all for this idea, Shawn isn’t. His reluctance has to do with the fact that we have a pair of friends who already announced that they’re getting married on a Friday and some of our other friends grumbled about this. Now I’ll admit that I participated in this grumbling but now that I’m planning a wedding I completely understand why someone would pick Friday over Saturday.

And steps can be taken to minimize the hassle for guests that Friday weddings can be. For example, our ceremony likely won’t be until 7:30 pm. In theory, you could put in a full day’s work and still make it to our wedding. Our venue is located downtown and, for our 905 guests anyways, is situated against the flow of rush hour. And finally, we’re getting married in August. Taking off from work an hour or two early on a Friday in August is practically the norm.

We currently have the Berkeley on hold for both August 6 and 7 but need to make a decision in the next few days. I’ve essentially put this choice in Shawn’s hands (now he can’t say he didn’t have his say in the wedding) and I’m curious to see if he’ll pick the cheaper Friday date or the more popular Saturday date.

Pick A Date, Any Date…

“When are you getting married?”


I still don’t have an exact answer to this question but I do know that I want to get married in the summer of 2010 on a Saturday night. This is hardly an original idea.


Over 50 percent of weddings take place between July and September, with the vast majority of them on a Saturday night. Sure it’s cheaper to get married on a Wednesday night in January but to me that just seems like a decision that you’re going to regret.


If you’re like me and you want a summer wedding, book as early as possible, particularly if you have your heart set on a certain date at a certain venue. Ideally, it’s nice to be flexible, to be able to go to a venue and say, “Here’s the month(s) that I’d like to get married in. What do you have free?”


But if you are determined to get married on a specific date, try not to get too set on a certain venue, just in case you’re not able to get your way on both items.


Here are a few more tips on picking a date:

• Decide what’s more important to you and your other half: the perfect date or the perfect venue
  
• There’s much debate on whether picking a long weekend is a good idea or not. I say that unless it’s a destination wedding, don’t schedule your big day on a long weekend, it’ll annoy too many guests
  
• Having your wedding on or around certain religious holidays might also annoy your guests so if you’re friends with or related to believers, check the appropriate religious calendars before picking your date
  
• But if it’s soccer that your guests worship, make sure to not schedule from June 11, 2010 to July 11, 2010, when the World Cup is in progress
  
• Planning an outdoor wedding? Then you might want to pick up a copy of the Farmer’s Almanac
• If you’re trying to save cash, pick a day in January-April, the wedding low season
• More cash can be saved by picking any date other than Saturday